The Art of Walking Away: Choosing Healing Over Hurt (healing from wounds)

Identifying the Wound

Let’s start with a tough question: Are you holding onto a wound and calling it part of who you are? Many of us do this without realizing it. We say things like, “That’s just who I am,” when in reality, it’s a defense mechanism rooted in unresolved pain. These wounds subtly weave themselves into our personalities, relationships, and even our decisions.

For example, someone who was abandoned might cling to toxic relationships because they fear being alone. Rather than confronting the pain of their abandonment, they create a pattern of staying in situations that replicate their trauma. This cycle is what keeps the wound fresh and unhealed.

Personal Growth Before Relational Growth

Before you can thrive in any relationship—whether it’s romantic, platonic, or professional—you need to invest in your personal growth. Imagine walking into a relationship carrying a suitcase full of unresolved baggage. Eventually, that baggage spills out, affecting not just you but the other person as well.

Ask yourself: What do I need to fix in me? Healing is not about pointing fingers or assigning blame; it’s about doing the inner work to show up as your best self. Your personality, life stories, and healed wounds—these are what you bring to the table. If your foundation is cracked, the house you’re trying to build with someone else will never be stable.

The Trap of Trauma Bonding

One of the reasons people stay in unhealthy relationships is trauma bonding. This occurs when two people connect over shared pain rather than mutual growth. It’s easy to mistake familiarity for compatibility, especially when you’ve grown used to chaos or toxicity.

Think about it: Have you ever found yourself drawn to someone who made you feel the same anxious, high-stakes emotions as a past toxic relationship? That’s not love—that’s your nervous system mistaking adrenaline for connection. A healthy relationship shouldn’t feel like a rollercoaster; it should feel like peace.

Breaking the Cycle

So how do you break free? It starts with awareness. You can’t heal a wound you refuse to acknowledge. Take time to reflect on your triggers and patterns. Are you constantly replaying scenarios that no longer serve you? If so, ask yourself why.

Healing often requires a season of solitude. This doesn’t mean isolating yourself—it means dedicating time to grow, heal, and rediscover who you are outside of your wounds. Too often, people jump into new relationships or distractions, thinking it will mask the pain. But what happens when the mask slips? The pain resurfaces, often stronger than before.

You Deserve a Season of You

This is your permission slip to choose yourself. Take a break from trying to fix others and focus on fixing you. Invest in therapy, journaling, prayer, or whatever helps you heal. The goal isn’t to become a perfectly healed person (no one is); it’s to become someone who can recognize their wounds, address them, and grow beyond them.

Remember, you can’t force anyone else to heal. Some people will choose to stay in their comfort zones of pain because it’s easier than facing the current of change. Don’t let their stagnancy anchor you.

The Cost of Staying Wounded

When you operate from a place of unhealed pain, you’re only living at a fraction of your potential. Imagine living at 70% when you’re capable of 100%. By ignoring your wounds, you’re robbing your future self of the joy, love, and success you deserve.

Living as the unhealed version of yourself also perpetuates a cycle of disappointment. You enter relationships or opportunities with unmet needs and unrealistic expectations, leading to more pain. Break the cycle by addressing your wounds now.

The Bottom Line

Healing is hard, but staying wounded is harder in the long run. The art of walking away is not about abandoning others; it’s about choosing to step away from the things that no longer serve you so you can step into the life you were meant to live.

You deserve a season of you. Take the time to heal, grow, and rebuild. When you do, you won’t just be walking away from your wounds—you’ll be walking toward a brighter, healthier future.