Why We Refuse to Change (And What to Do About It)

Why We Refuse to Change (And What to Do About It)

Have you ever decided to make a big change like starting a new diet, quitting social media, or exercising regularly only to find yourself back to your old ways within a week? Yep, me too. Welcome to the club!

Turns out, we're all card-carrying members of the I Know I Should Change But... society. And trust me, we’re not alone.

But why is it so hard to change? Why do we cling to our routines and habits, even when we know there’s a better option waiting on the other side?

Well, as it turns out, our brains are wired for this exact behavior. Let’s dig into the science and figure out why we’re so resistant to change—and maybe, just maybe, how we can get out of our own way.

1. Our Brains Love the Status Quo

Let’s start with the harsh reality: our brains are lazy. They don’t like change because change takes energy. Neuroscientists have found that when we try to adopt new behaviors, we activate the prefrontal cortex the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and focus.

But here's the kicker: the prefrontal cortex gets tired easily. It’s like trying to get a cat to run a marathon

it’s not happening for long.

Think of your brain like an old dog that knows a thousand tricks, but prefers to nap in the sun instead. Change requires effort, and frankly, your brain would rather binge-watch Netflix.

So when you're faced with the choice of sticking to your comfortable routine or trying something new, your brain's like,

“Nah, let’s just chill. That sounds like a lot of work.”

2. The Comfort of Familiarity

Human beings are creatures of habit and habits good or bad are tough to break. Psychologists call this status quo bias. Essentially, we prefer things to stay the way they are because it feels safer. You’ve probably heard the saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”

well, that’s your brain’s favorite motto.

In a 2010 study published in Science, researchers found that when people are faced with uncertainty, their stress levels spike. It’s not that we’re necessarily scared of the change itself, it’s the unpredictability of what comes next. Even if the current situation isn’t ideal, at least it’s familiar.

You know that one person who refuses to upgrade their phone even though it’s practically a fossil?

Yeah, that’s all of us, in some way or another.

Your brain is holding onto your "iPhone 5" of habits because, hey, it still works... sort of.

3. Fear of Failure (A.K.A., the Ultimate Buzzkill)

Ever tried to change something and failed?

Spoiler alert: it happens to all of us. And that fear of failure?

It's a real mood killer when it comes to motivation. Nobody likes to feel like they’ve messed up, especially not when it involves making a tough life change.

In fact, a lot of research shows that people tend to avoid situations where they might fail. Behavioral scientists call this loss aversion. We hate losing more than we love winning. So rather than risk falling flat on our faces, we just don’t try at all. It’s like deciding not to go to the gym because you're afraid people will judge you for not knowing how to use the elliptical.

(Spoiler: no one’s paying attention. They’re too busy judging themselves.)

Changing your habits is kind of like riding a bike for the first time—you’re going to fall.

A lot.

But hey, at least it’s not as embarrassing as tripping over flat ground. (We've all been there.)

4. Social Pressure and Expectations

Believe it or not, sometimes it’s not just you who’s resistant to change. Society has a way of reinforcing the status quo. There’s a term for this in psychology: normative influence. It’s the pressure we feel to conform to what everyone else is doing, even if we want to do something different.

Maybe you want to start a new hobby or go vegetarian, but you worry about how others will react. Will your friends roll their eyes? Will your family make a thousand jokes about your new “rabbit diet”?

That external pressure can make it harder to stick with any change. Humans, after all, are wired to seek social approval.

It's like ordering a salad at a steakhouse and having the waiter give you a look that says, “Are you sure about that?” (No, sir, but my arteries are.)

5. Immediate Gratification is Hard to Beat

Ah, the sweet allure of instant gratification. Why work out for three months to see results when you can just have pizza now and be happy instantly? That’s the kind of thinking that our brain loves.

In psychology, this is called temporal discounting—basically, we prefer small rewards now rather than larger rewards later. It’s why saving for retirement is so hard, or why sticking to a long-term goal feels like an eternal slog.

Your brain is like a toddler that wants a cookie NOW. Long-term benefits? Yeah, it’ll get to those... later.

6. Change Often Lacks a Clear Reward System

We are wired to respond to rewards. That’s why we keep coming back to Instagram (hello, dopamine!) or why we feel so good after crossing off tasks on our to-do list. The problem with big life changes?

The rewards are either delayed or too vague.

Sure, you know eating healthier will make you feel better in the long run, but right now, that cheeseburger is staring at you like a long-lost friend. Our brains want immediate rewards to stay motivated, and when they’re not there, we lose steam.

This is why habit tracking apps, rewards, or even gamifying goals can help—anything to give your brain that hit of dopamine it craves.

It’s like your brain needs a gold star for everything. If it doesn’t get one, it’s like, “Well, why even bother?”

What Can We Do About It?

Now that we know why change is hard, how can we actually get past these mental roadblocks? Here are a few quick tips:

• Break it down: Big changes feel overwhelming, but smaller steps are easier for your brain to process. Want to start exercising? Begin with 10 minutes a day. Your brain won’t freak out as much.

• Find your “why”: Having a strong, clear reason for change makes it easier to stick with. If your “why” is vague or weak, your brain will find 100 reasons to go back to the old ways.

• Reward yourself: Give your brain some love! Set up small rewards for each milestone. It’s all about keeping that dopamine flowing.

• Embrace the discomfort: Change is supposed to feel weird. Accept that and keep pushing. Every time you push through the discomfort, you’re training your brain that it’s okay to be a little uncomfortable.

At the end of the day, resisting change is a totally normal human response. Our brains like to keep things easy, predictable, and low-effort. But that doesn’t mean we can’t overcome it. With a little awareness, some science-backed strategies, and maybe even a gold star or two, we can start making those changes that have been lingering on our to-do lists.

So go ahead, put on your metaphorical workout clothes, and take that first step.

You’ve got this—even if your brain isn’t totally convinced yet.

"In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.”

-Abraham Maslow

creating change in your life.